Saturday, September 15, 2007

I Hate Shaving

I'm an almost-17-year-old female and I've never been on a date, had a boyfriend, fooled around, etc. I tell everyone it's because I have either very strong morals or some spiritual enlightenment through celibacy theory, but the real reason is that I hate shaving. I hate hate hate hate hate it. If you don't shave, guys get scared, and that's okay with me. My leg hairs are long enough to comb because I HATE SHAVING!!!

Submitted anonymously

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Revenge Of The 'Chink'

I work in a tattoo parlour whilst working my way through college.

It's near a seedy area of town, and we have many drunken frat boys and drug users coming in. Often they cuss me out, try and feel me up, make sexist and racist comments or speak e-x-t-r-e-m-e-l-y slowly - assuming I'm stupid because I'm Asian.

Then they have the nerve to ask me how to get a certain word done in Japanese...

I confess, it gives me supreme satisfaction from seeing these racist idiots going around with tattoos in Japanese saying, 'flower power', 'shit eater' and 'tiny dick' proudly displayed on their muscular arms.

Submitted Anonymously

Thursday, August 9, 2007

I Confess I hate Snakes!!

(Picture taken from National Geographic Website. Click read full story regarding picture)

My Family are farmers. Raising sheep is one of the things we do. I found this picture online and it reminded me bout the same incident that happened to us lately. A python ate one of our sheep! I always hated snakes! The incident made me hate snakes more cause we lost money to that damn snake!! Yes, Pythons do look like that after a big meal!! Picture taken from similar incident from my country Malaysia almost a year ago.

Submitted by Benci Ular

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The Result Of Alcohol

It just wasn't me. Everything went out of control. I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Submitted Anonymously

Sunday, August 5, 2007


I'm english, and although we say we like americans, the truth is I cant stand them. look you cant even pick which idiot you want to rule you. if we start the revolution now, by next july you will be celebrating "Dependance Day" when we once again rule over you. you will start finally spelling things correctly. ALUMINUM, ALUMINIUM, have you not noticed how many other elements end in the suffix -ium not -um. sodIUM, potassIUM, calCIUM, if we called it sodum that would give it a slight biblical reference we do not want. i mean its english, speak it like the english do. and by the way we do not all walk around in dear-stalkers and pin-stripe suits smoking a pipe drinking tea, stuttering "would you be so good as to pass me the scones" in a stately castle on the banks of the Thames, which by the way is not constanly covered in fog. oh look, its a double decker bus going by, and whos that on it, its the Queen, acompanied by the beatles, hugh grant, and Sherlock Holmes! bloody hell, what Jeeves. i suppose i am being a bit unfair, we do think you are all overweight gun-lovin criminals (haha) permanently implanted into you sofa (or should i say couch) wearing tracksuits and trainers that have never ever seen a sports field, watching the "FOOTBALL" ( dont even get me started on FOOTBALL (too late). you call it football yet your foot hardly touches the ball. english football, or soccer as you call it was around long before america was even discovered, let alone stolen. american football, or SOCCER as i call it is more like rugby than football. however in rugby we dont play on astroturf field to prevent us from hurting our arses (yes arses, not asses - thats a donkey, not your bum - YES bum, thats you behind, not a homeless bloke), and we dont pad ourselves up to prevent braking our nails or getting a slight bruise. you have to have balls of leather to play rugby! the most we do is if you ear gets torn off in a scrum ( a kind of huddle thing) is you tape it back on and deal with it after the game. anyway, ive gone on long enough, but one final message. for the good of our future as a race, we should reintroduce eugenics to america alone. it has been shown that on average americans are less intelligent than europeans, they are less healthy and a big bunch of tossers (ha, you dont know what that means). dont get me wrong, im not racist. ive got nothing against america. its americans i cant stand. put it this way, if i was some how in charge of a comet heading towards earth, i know which country i would steer it in to...

Submitted anonymously

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Married Men Should Be Ugly

Married men should stop being attractive! Once they say I do, their nose should fall off or something. That way I would stop being attracted to them.

There is this guy at my church. His kids are in my kid’s choir. And I thought he was cute, until I saw him in a tank top and how huge his biceps are! OMG! They are huge and now he is like 400x hotter!

And now I get weird when I talk to him. I just can't help but looking at him in church worshiping with his wife and kids. They all look so happy, as I undress him with my eyes.

Why am I attracted to men I can never have!

Submitted anonymously

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Osama Bin Laden's Fourth Cousin Twice Removed

I confess that I am a bit of a smart-mouth.

I was flying a couple weeks ago and tensions were high because of a terror warning. When the security people asked the elderly man to take off his shoes, I started to take my tennis shoes off. When the same security person that told the 70+ man to take off his wingtips, he told me that tennis shoes were ok. I asked why. The security person shrugged and I said, 'Guess that the 9-year-olds in Thailand can't make tennis shoes out of bomb materials.'

Apparently you aren't allowed to say bomb in an airport anymore.

Seconds after my JOKE, I was whisked away to a private room for questioning. They bluntly asked me if I was a terrorist. I, being a smart ass and not yet realizing the seriousness of the situation, said, 'Well, I am Osama Bin Laden's fourth cousin twice removed.'

I missed my flight, and was kept there for more than six hours. Serves me right I guess. But I am Irish and as white as they come with bright red hair.

I confess I am now working on making a pair of tennis shoes out of play dough to wear to the airport next time.

Submitted anonymously

Monday, July 30, 2007

Large Economy Size Rip Off

I'm an old man. A grandpa you can say. Nice Intro eh. Well my story goes like this, I was grocery shopping with Mrs. `Gramps` at Publix the other day. (I'm retired, I can do that.) We needed peanut butter, so I went over to that section to get a jar. They had two sizes: a 10 ouncer for $1.50 and a 20 ouncer for $2.75. It seemed intuitively obvious to me that the larger size was the better value. I could purchase 20 ounces by buying the large jar for 2.75 or buy two 10 ounce jars for 3.00. A no brainer.

And if I couldn't figure it out that way, I could look at the shelf label. It told me that the smaller jar was costing me 15 cents per ounce, while the larger jar was only costing 13.75 cents per ounce. The large jar was the better value.

The government has mandated that these shelf labels and price information be in place. And while it was easy to determine the better value with my first example, I would have had to do much more arithmetic if the smaller jar was 9 ounces for 1.35 and the large jar was 14 ounces for 1.93 Not so obvious there, so the shelf lable is a big help.

The 'large economy size' has been around for a while. Manufacturers can produce the larger size at a savings, and they pass part of the savings on to the retailer, who then passes part of the savings on to the consumer. A win, win, win situation.

People have been buying the large economy size for decades. We've been doing it for so long that we just automatically reach for the larger size because we know it's the better value.

Except in Wal-Mart.

In Wal-Mart, the small size peanut butter is 14 cents per ounce, and the large size is 14.7 cents per ounce. The small jar is the better value. And Mrs. `Gramps` automatically took the large jar until I pointed out the gouging she was getting.

Peanut butter isn't the only example. I went for a tube of lip balm. A one tube blister pack cost 97 cents. The three tube blister pack cost $2.91. That's exactly 97 cents times 3. Which means that Wal-Mart is making out again.

Now you might wonder why Wal-Mart does this. It's because we've been trained to buy the larger size, and they make more money on the larger size. Think of this: with their size, one million people shop their stores each day. If they can get and additional one cent profit from each of those people each day, that adds up to a lot of money.

So the next time you're in Wal-Mart, and you go for that big box of detergent, get down on you hands and knees and read the shelf label. You just might find that the better value is the smaller size bottle or box. But you'll never know unless you look.

But if you think Wal-Mart is sticking it to you, think about the brand of towels that offers smaller sheets. They are 55% of the size of a full sheet. Normally, you need a full sheet to dry your hands, so you are actually using 110% of a full sheet each time you use the towels. Costs the same, but you use it up faster. Clever marketing, huh?

So what does this have to do with a confession? Well I confess I'm pretty pissed off. Owh, and the next time you are shopping at Wal-Mart and you see somebody on their hands and knees in front of the detergent section, you can almost be guaranteed that they read this item. Say hello to them.

Submitted by 'Mr. Gramps'

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Friendly Neighbor Dilemma

I rent the guesthouse on a property that has a main house and a swimming pool in back. The pool area can easily be seen from my house and I must partially walk through the pool area to get to my door.

Anyway, my neighbor, who I heard is married but so far I have not seen or met her husband, likes to sunbathe by the pool wearing only a smile.

She is very attractive and I have seen her several times from out my window (it's a little hard to avoid since the front of my house faces the pool area). I know it's not polite to look but it's hard to avoid sometimes.

One time I came home from work to change clothes for an after work party and she was in the pool. She asked me to hand her a towel. I did and she got out of the pool wearing nothing. I explained I was running late and left.

I confess that I am afraid if I keep seeing her or running into her, I may be tempted to do something I'll end up regretting. I like my house and don't want to move. But she's the landlord and it's her pool.

Submitted anonymously

MAN - Some Assembly Required

I am the man some women consider handsome.

I am the man you work next to everyday. I am the man who buys the groceries in line behind you. I am the man who your sister is dating. I am the man who lives next to you on our nice quiet street. I am the man who helped you shingle your roof. I am the man who sits next to you in church every Sunday.

I am the man you joke around with and spend some time with. I am the man who holds the door open for you. I am the man standing next to you at the urinal. I am the man with the decent haircut and the trim beard.

I am the man who was born female and lived female until three years ago. I am a happy, satisfied 39 year old man...

Submitted anonymously